I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
