Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
