Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
