Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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