happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
