Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Terrible idea I love it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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