no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
