I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
