Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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