Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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