Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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