Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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