My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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