Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
