Yo dont text me then not text me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
