guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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