My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
