If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
