Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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