guys are only as good as the porn they watch
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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