god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
