He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
