Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
