Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He shit in the fireplace
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
