Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
