I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
