dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
