oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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