dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My penis needs a shock collar
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
