I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
