i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
