five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
