Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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