Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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