Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
