Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
