Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
