so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
