sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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