do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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