Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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