Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
