Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
