So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
