Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
