we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
