don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
