We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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