If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
