pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
your penis
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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