apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
