Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
